yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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