I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
