I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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