How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
