Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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