i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
