Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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