Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
