i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
