Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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