I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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