as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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