Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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