i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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