Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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