you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
