I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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