somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
