The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
FUCK WHALES
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