You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Boobs speak an international language.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
