Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
