Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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