One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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