We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
