Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
