Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
