I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
