i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
