New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
