My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
