he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you made out with another girl for some wings
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
