I wanna bring you to show and tell
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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