dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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