Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
