I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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