I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
