addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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