Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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