I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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