I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
