Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I just sharted jello shots
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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