you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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