I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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