Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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