why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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