Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Vodka?
Forever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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