Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
