Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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