Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
