How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
