plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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