Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
