cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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