woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
