What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
